MALCOLM GLADWELL'S TALKING TO STRANGERS - BOOK SUMMARY
“The conviction that we know others better than they know us—and that we may have insights about them they lack (but not vice versa)—leads us to talk when we would do well to listen and to be less patient than we ought to be when others express the conviction that they are the ones who are being misunderstood or judged unfairly.” -Malcolm Gladwell, Talking To Strangers
This book is very little about how we talk to strangers and is more about our views, ideas, biases, and beliefs that we have when we encounter strangers. As we are accustomed to, Gladwell is a fantastic storyteller with a considerable repertoire of examples to weave thru his ideas. From current event stories that are in the news, pop culture with Friends to historical examples of Hitler, Cuba, and the CIA- the stories are amazing. He has used some of the tricks he has learned from his podcast ‘Revisionist History’ to make the Audible version absolutely amazing to listen to.
Here is a brief summary of the book….
We have a default to the truth. We tend to want to believe that what people say is or is at least mostly true. However, sometimes we are really, really wrong.
Transparency and the illusion of asymmetrical insight. We consider ourselves to be challenging to read and at the same time, we think that we can read others really well. We think that the facial expressions, body language, tone, and even words that other people use can be easily interpreted by us. However, sometimes we are really, really wrong.
Coupling is the idea that every situation is connected with other situations; however, some are so closely tied to another that when one is changed, it significantly changes the other. For example, in the 1800’s, they changed the carbon monoxide level within the gas, and as a result, it significantly decreased the suicide rate. In this, showing that there is a coupling effect with the easier access. The problem is that most of the time unless we have given it considerable thought, we don’t see the coupling that could be in effect while interacting with a stranger. For example, a car cuts you off, you instantly assume it’s because they are a selfish jerk. When in reality, they are a single mom headed to get her 3 kids after working all day to 3 different sporting events.
Some books take complicated things and make them simple. This book takes something that most of us perceive to be simple, and shows that it is really very, very complicated. The truth is that everyone we talk to, even those that we know best, are a stranger in some way. Gladwell doesn’t give us lots of answers, but he does help with where to start. Growing in our ability to talk with strangers doesn’t start with them, but rather with us.
-Greg